Pipes

SPECIFICATION WAP-007
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PIPING SPECIFICATIONS
All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal centered around the hole.
All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length.
All pipe is to be of the very best quality, preferably tubular or pipular.
All acid-proof pipe is to be made of acid proof metal.
Outer-diameter of all pipes must exceed the inner-diameter. Otherwise, the hole will be on the outside of the pipe.
All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam, or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can be more readily put on at the jobsites.
All pipe is to be cleaned free of any covering such as mud, tar, barnacles or any form of manure before putting up, otherwise it will make lumps under the paint.
All pipe over 500 feet in length must have the words “Long Pipe” clearly painted on each end so that the fitter will know that it is a long pipe.
All pipe over two miles in length must also have these words painted on the middle so that the fitter will not have to walk the full length of the pipe to determine if it is long pipe or not.
All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words “Large Pipe” painted on it, so that the fitter will not use it for small pipe.
All pipe fittings are to be made of the same stuff as the pipe.
All pipe closers are to be open on one end.
No fittings are to be put on pipe unless specified. If you do, straight pipes become crooked pipes.
(Unknown source.)

One Way at Looking at Things

The Progress Party (Danish: Fremskridtspartiet) is a Danish political party, formed in 1972. Its founder, the former lawyer Mogens Glistrup, gained huge popularity in Denmark after he appeared on Danish television, showing that he paid 0 % in income tax. The party was placed on the right of the political spectrum, as it supported political and economic liberalism, believed in radical tax cuts (including removing the income tax altogether), and also vowed to cut government spending. An example is the suggestion to replace the entire department of defence with an answering machine with the recorded message "we surrender" in Russian. The party entered the Danish parliament, the Folketing, the same year in the 1973 Danish parliamentary election with 28 out of 179 seats, making it the second-largest party of the parliament.
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Spy 'Intelligence' Agencies Given New Names

Once Known As The 'Central Intelligence Agency'; Now Known As The 'Cravenly Immoral Agency'.

Intelligence agencies around the world have been renaming themselves 'Egoist Self-Interest Agencies' which it has been agreed upon is a more accurate term. The use of the term 'Intelligence' infers that an individual or group is acting at the highest capacity of the mind and consciousness in its actions.

Investigations have determined that literally all 'Intelligence Agencies' around the world, including the CIA, MI6, Moshad, the KGB, etc. never, if ever rise beyond the the selfish short sightedness of the agencies own comfort interests and those of the nation itself secondly.

It is in lieu of this that they have been attributed the new designation of ESSCA, although some have adopted the moniker 'Egocentric Self-Serving Callous Agency' instead. Although the agencies must often work with scanty evidence in their work, the evidence of the truth in these titles was common to everyone.

Some of the officials of the spy agencies around the world have protested that the new titles were demeaning and not as sexy or respectful as being called "Intelligence' agencies, but when presented with the evidence that their past actions indicated that they were incapable of acting out of any other motivation than self interest was damning.

This evidence includes the CIA's constant snuffing out of independence movements in Central and South American countries, M16's aid in dividing up the Middle East into artificial borders following WWI that helped to cause the modern day struggles, Moshad's constant undermining of any economic or freedom progress of the Palestinian state, and the KGB's buggering around with just about anything that moves.

On the other side of things an award should be given to Luxembourg's 'Intelligence' agency which doesn't bother with anyone and seems to spend most of its time sitting around playing cards and watching football on the tube.

Source

A Bureaucrat's Season's Greetings

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practises of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all; and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Best wishes for safe and Happy Holidays!!

"Interesting" facts about Wellington

The shortest term of a New Zealand Prime Minister was seven days: Harry Atkinson was appointed on 28 August 1884 and resigned on 3 September 1884, beating the record of his immediate predecessor, Robert Stout, by six days.

Each year some 400 significant earthquakes are recorded in New Zealand, of which roughly 100 are likely to be felt without instruments, but aren't of sufficient importance to warrant public notice. The biggest New Zealand earthquake in historical times was near Wellington on 23 January 1855. It had a magnitude of about 8 on the Richter scale and was felt over about 940,000 sq km, tilting a block of land 50 m wide and 190 km long. In Wellington the uplift was 1.5 m; great stretches of shore became permanently exposed (including what is now the airport). The centre lay along the Wairarapa Fault, whose horizontal movement is estimated to have been at least 12 m compared with about 6 m for the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. Despite this huge movement, only 12 people died in the quake, because Wellington was still sparsely populated at that stage.

Only one capital city in the world is further south than Wellington, Hobart Tasmania

New Zealand World Records

Litter collection - The greatest number of volunteers collecting litter in one location on one day is 19,924 who helped clean up the city of Wellington in October 1991 as part of a Keep Wellington Beautiful campaign.

Source

Improving Care for Paranoid Schizophrenics

The Squeeze

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I’d like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away.

Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

The crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"

"No," the man replied. "I work for the IRD."

Bavarian Secession

By Siobhán Dowling

Many Germans would love to get rid of Bavaria. Now, a small separatist party from the southern state is giving voters the chance.

For most foreigners, Germany is little more than Oktoberfest, the Alps, beer, lederhosen and the Bayern Munich football club. The stereotypes, though, apply to just one corner of Germany -- the state of Bavaria, which happens to be Germany's biggest and richest.

Much of the rest of the country, though, regards this wealthy southern colossus with a mixture of bemusement, derision and loathing. It's like a German version of Texas.

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A Zimbabwe joke is no laughing matter

Tyrants may try to ban it, but humour has a way of seeping through the cracks of any dictatorship

Ben Macintyre

Heard the one about Zimbabwe? A policeman stops a motorist and asks for a donation: terrorists have kidnapped the former Sir Robert Mugabe, and have vowed to soak him in petrol and set him alight if the ransom is not paid.

“How much are other people giving?” the motorist asks.

“On average about two or three litres.” It may not be new, or even funny, but the joke represents one of the few points of light on the dark landscape of Zimbabwe. Mugabe and his thugs have killed off any meaningful election, food shortages are acute, inflation is heading for 1.5 million per cent, but one currency in Zimbabwe is steadily increasing in value - jokes.

Unreported amid the horrors is the growth of underground anti-government humour. Jokes about Mugabe are a crime; anyone saying or writing anything insulting to the Government is liable to be arrested. Yet the jokes are spreading, by text message, e-mail and by word of mouth. The www.nyambo.com website is dedicated to Zimbabwean humour. (“Nyambo” is Shona for “jokes”.) Question: What did Zimbabweans use for light before candles? Answer: Electricity.

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History of NZ - Signing the Treaty

Billy T James, watch video here

The Republic of Whangamomona

In 1989 regional council boundaries were redrawn, with an emphasis on connected catchments. These revised maps made Whangamomona part of the Manawatu-Wanganui Region. Residents objected, as they wanted to continue being part of the Taranaki Region, and on 1 November 1989, they responded by declaring themselves the "Republic of Whangamomona" at the first Republic Day. Though the move began as a pointed protest, the town continued to hold a celebratory Republic Day once a year, during which a vote for President was held. The day has become a local festival day, and attracts visitors from throughout the North Island. In 2001, the celebration became biannual, held in January to take advantage of the summer weather.

Read more here and here

Watch their national sport on video here

What nationality were Adam and Eve?

Most certainly North Korean! Only North Koreans can run about barefooted and bare bottomed, without a roof over their heads, where there is only one apple for two and nevertheless cry out that they are in paradise!

Government Vermin Control

Spike Milligan - Government Vermin Control HQ
watch video here

Houston, We Have a Solution: Let Texas Secede

Watch video here

Independent Long Island

Independent Long Island (ILI) is a new country project, and considers itself a junior or developing Fourth World nation — a Fourth World nation is a large country or nation without a state, while a Fifth World nation is a small country or nation without a state.

While the project's emphasis is in creating a viable and independent new country, and seceding from the United States, the proposal for Independent Long Island statehood — "51st state" scenario — will also be seriously considered if it finds sufficient support with the local residents. However, regardless of what the project actually achieves in the long or short term, a degree of independence is still required even in the 51st state scenario, since that would still require double secession: from both New York City and New York State.

The Independent Long Island project was officially started on August 20, 2007 with the writing of a formal press release, and has so far attracted significant media attention:

Read more here

Long Island, New York Wants to Secede

Samantha Bee talks to the intelligent revolutionaries who want to make Long Island the 51st state. Watch here

The Rules of Bureaucracy

1. Preserve thyself.
2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.
3. A penny saved is an oversight.
4. Information deteriorates upward.
5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.
6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.
7. For any given large, complex, hard-to-understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.
8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.
9. To err is human; to shrug is civil service.
10. There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over.

Real History; The American Revolution

Government of Denmark tells Kellogg's to take vitamins out of their breakfast cereals

In a move that can only be described as bizarre, the government of Denmark has banned the sale of fortified breakfast cereals made by Kellogg's. These include Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes, and Special K. Why were they banned? Because they are fortified with vitamins like vitamin B6, B12, folic acid, iron and calcium. For some bizarre reason, Danish food watchdogs say that consumers could overdose on these vitamins by eating too much Kellogg's breakfast cereal.
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You Know You Work for Central Government If...

• 

You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.

Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.

Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.

You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.

Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated mandatory weekend travel is a perk.

Although you have a telephone, pager, E-mail, FAX, company distribution, Fed-X, NZ Post and coworkers sitting right on the other side of the partition...communication is a continuing problem.

You know, and everyone that works with you knows, your performance is superior, but "satisfactory" is the highest level on the documented performance rating.

Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.

When workers screw up they are transferred to another office to be someone else's problem; when management screws up they are promoted.

Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes," "in your spare time," "when you're freed up" and "I have an opportunity for you."

Training is something spoken about but never seen.

Vacation is something you roll over to next year.

The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator of acomplaint.

You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

Our Debt to Sheep, True National Heroes

In 1953 the boom in wool prices created by the Korean War had carried New Zealand to the second highest standard of living in the world. At the present rate of decline we will be having a free trade agreement with Zimbabwe.

Canterbury's Evolution

Gondwanaland

Yet to geophysically separate.

How Central Government Works

Albert Einstein, 1921

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Wellington said,"Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Wellington said,"How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Wellington said,"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Wellington said,"How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Wellington said,"Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Wellington said,"We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.