BALKAN HUMOR

In case you are having trouble figuring out who is who in this war we are in

From: Tom Seals
Now let me make sure you understand this. It's pretty complicated. Listen closely. We've got troops (young Americans who have volunteered to risk their lives defending American freedom and independence, in exchange for the chance to learn electronic repair and to drive tanks) in Bosnia because the Bosnian Muslims were mistakenly included in Yugoslavia by the victorious allies when they broke up Austria-Hungary in 1918. Or maybe the Austro-Hungarians made the mistake when they took Bosnia and Herzegovina from the Ottoman Turkish Empire in 1906 and gave it a hyphenated name because the Austrians spoke German and like to shove words together, like Austro-Hungarian. Anyway, Woodrow Wilson and the boys shoved the people together, and that was definitely a mistake.


Herzegovina was inhabited by Croats, who are basically Serbs who are Catholics instead of Orthodox and who write their dialect of Serbian using Latin letters instead of Cyrillic. This looks less funny to us, so they must be the good guys and the Serbians are bad. Maybe it's that the Serbians write their dialect of Croatian in those weird Russian letters, which is even more perverse; they're definitely the Bad Guys.

So we bravely side with the Bosnians and the Croats against Serbia, until the Croats cheat by massacring Bosnians. That's why we had to send in troops, right, because everybody was massacring Bosnians? And the Bosnians couldn't fight back because the UN wouldn't let anybody sell them guns, on the grounds that if nobody had guns nobody could shoot anybody there. Somehow the UN forgot that the Serbians and the Croats already had lots of guns; only the Bosnians really needed them.
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