British Parliament Forms July 4 Commission To Investigate Colonial Insurrection

 LONDON — The British parliament has convened for an emergency session to investigate the events of July 4th, 1776 in the colonies across the Atlantic. Sources indicate an illegal insurrection took place there that cost many lives.

"Blimey! These cheeky colonists are quite literally — and I'm LITERALLY not exaggerating here — an existential threat to democracy!" said MP Peasley Peckinposh III to a chorus of "hear hears."

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